[SPECIAL GUEST] The "Complacent" Contradiction with Dr. Lauryn

I’ve seen this same feeling and almost a question like response several times throughout my coaching career - I need more motivation. But is that what you actually need? Today’s conversation is with my good friend, Dr. Lauryn. This interview had started from the original comment of, “I'm in need of consistent motivation to keep pushing for more and not get complacent with what I've already accomplished. What I'm doing is well enough, but my Vision always is nudging me to strive for more; There can be a subtle internal struggle to be thankful for what I have and just coast because the thought of working towards something more is sometimes exhausting. How can I find a daily or weekly motivational reminder that enough is not going to cut it for me because deep down, I know that if I'm not consistently improving, if I've become stagnant, then I am no longer growing as a human being”

Where To Start

When you ask these really broad questions without diving a little deeper it's hard to figure out where they're coming from. Lauryn does this and she's asking for more, definitely listen to that on each episode because it gives you more of a perspective of where it's coming from and there are some keywords that Danielle use that I think are going to be really helpful in breaking this down for those listening. So first she kind of describes it as it has very black and white -  you are either striving and pushing for more or you are complacent and stagnant. So I think the first thing we have to really just dissect for her is striving for more and not being thankful for what you have that's not synonymous - it doesn't have to be one or the other. There's so much gray area in between but the gray areas where people feel weird and icky and they just don't know how to navigate that gray area.

People that have a system or something in play that they're using for motivation to grow their business, to grow their life, whatever it is, but they still have massive daily gratitude practices and they still are super thankful for everything they have and if you would ask them I guarantee that they are aware that if they don’t reach those goals, they still would know how to be super thankful for everything that's already happened in their life. What about the gray area is uncomfortable for you? If the Universe continues to throw up these red flags that striving for more is exhausting the gray area might be uncomfortable because you don't know if the whole “more” that you're striving for is the right more; maybe you're not going towards something that is actually what you want.

Maybe you are you have a really specific thing in your brain of what you think your life should look like or your modeling it after something else that you've seen and the Universe is giving you fantastic signs to say this might be what you think you want but is it really attached to a why or something deep for you? And I think a lot of people get uncomfortable in the gray area because they haven't spent enough time really asking themselves what they want and what that's going to mean to them.

Where Fears Come From

Wasted time is largely one of the main fears and reasons many are afraid of change; Many don’t want to stop and question their values and if what they are going for is actually good for them and really evaluate if what they have been driving towards was the wrong thing. There's a fear of, “What if I have to admit to myself and everyone else everyone, I wanted this thing. I drove really hard towards it and now I look around and it's not at all what I wanted” 

I just have them ask themselves, what type of emotional depth are they wasting by not doing what you’re literally putting all of their aspirations and potential pivot moments into? This could be the best thing in their lives, but it’s in a box because they're worried about wasting time or they're worried about the world seeing or them admitting that they went down a wrong path and that's just not the way life works. If you didn't go down the wrong paths, you wouldn't be human.

The biggest thing is just you don't have to waste a ton of time asking yourself these questions, but if it's a consistent pattern in your life where when you try to get motivated you already feel exhausted before you even start then you need to spend the time in really scaling back and asking yourself, Where you want to go ultimately and you need to ask yourself how much time you spend on these two crazy ends of the spectrum. Life is not just those two extremes; the people that I admire and I follow along with the most that I think have maybe the best emotional intelligence to really get what they want out of life, they oscillate back and forth between and they're using every piece of that spectrum in their day to make sure that they feel fulfilled and they're really in tune with what their mind is telling them, what their heart is telling them, their God is telling them, and I think that's something that the more you start to recognize those extremes and realize that your body and your psyche is not designed to be at one extreme or the other. 

How do I feel like I'm performing right now and do I feel like each area is as congruent as possible with my ultimate balance and goal and whatnot? And if the answer is one area is super glaring and the motivational path that I think I need to go down is not aligned with that glaring discrepancy then I have to re-evaluate; If it's very clear that she's going down a path that maybe isn't going to be aligned with her ultimate vision of her ultimate goals I want her to do that systems check and review how her physical and emotional health are. She has to come to the realization that the timing may be off and she needs to actually use your energy and motivation to actually accommodate her health now so that she can still get to that ultimate vision. She's not sacrificing the vision, but she's using them, using the motivation in a much more intelligent and energy-conserving way so that she's going to be more fulfilled when she gets there.

What To Do Next

So if realistically everything is a green light and she still questions because she's feeling exhausted thinking about striving for this thing, she probably doesn't have enough help and so then you need to look at what are you spending your time doing that you could potentially have someone else do and how what percentage of the day of your week is spent on things that only you literally can do and that is probably the answer. So now she is freeing up some of that time and energy space to work on this thing that she's really excited about and motivated towards and is really aligned with her, she can get some traction and it will feel hopefully energizing and fulfilling instead of draining because she's not worried about all these other things that she could have someone else help her do so. 

Remember to rest, reflect, and be still. Most feel this way just with their black and white of that rest is for weak, only weak people need to rest, life is a marathon. So how do you incorporate rest into your life? I think everyone has a different version of rest and everyone needs to push themselves to figure that out because if I didn't get to a point in my life where I put the shades in a box and didn't care anymore. I wouldn't have figured out how to rest adequately and this is how I do feel energized and how I do feel like I can move towards things. I definitely think the rest is unique for each human. I think I'm the most congruent right now with each of those areas in my life that I've ever been in my entire 34 years of existence and that's because I've finally gotten okay with saying everything has to go through the lens of what do I need? 

We’ve all heard of Joanna Gaines and probably most have read her story? She had an incredibly little successful shop but she decided to close it for a few years while she raised her family. She then came back and accomplished in less than two years what somebody who wasn't listening to their body and what the universe was telling them. She couldn't have accomplished that, I couldn't accomplish that in five years if I tried my ass off, but she was listening to her body and what life was telling her. She was obedient. She took that break and then came back with vengeance. So yes, it's nice to make sure we put these boundaries around like a weekend or how you replenish on a daily and weekly basis but sometimes there are needs for serious rest.